Take Me For Longing
by turtleback
Summary: Changes in Jane and Maura's relationship after "When the Gun Goes Bang, Bang, Bang." Because there can never be too many post Season 1 finale fics. Rizzles!


**Take Me For Longing**

_Because there can never be too many post Season 1 finale fics. _

_Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me. No infringement intended and no profit will be made from their use._

* * *

Four months after "the incident," as most people around Jane referred to it, things were relatively back to normal, or at least they appeared to be mostly back to normal. Jane had been back on full duty for awhile. Evidence of the siege on headquarters was long gone and for most people in the building it was a distant memory.

Something had changed between Jane and Maura though. At work everything was the same. The team was all back together again and catching bad guys. But the after work drinks and dinners had disappeared. Maura wasn't forcing Jane to go out on any more double dates. This wasn't Jane's choice. She would have preferred everything to have gone back to the way it had been, although she could have probably done without the terrible double dates. Since the first few days after the shooting she had barely seen Maura. For awhile Jane invited Maura out for drinks or food like before, but a couple of weeks of Maura coming up with excuses for why she couldn't go out, Jane stopped asking. She could take so much rejection. They went back to being colleagues, just as they had been when Maura first came to BPD.

Jane did feel rejected though. And she didn't want to talk to Maura about it because she was afraid of what Maura was going to say. In a short period of time Maura had become her best friend and even more quickly their friendship seemed to have ended. Obviously Maura had decided Jane wasn't suitable as a friend. Jane was scared to ask why but that question consumed her thoughts more and more frequently. The hours Jane normally would have spent with Maura were spent thinking about Maura. And that scared her too because the thoughts she had about Maura were most definitely way beyond friendly feelings.

* * *

Once it became clear that Jane was going to be fine, Maura responded the best way she knew how: she retreated. The initial fear about Jane's safety was first replaced with anger. Maura was so angry that Jane would risk her own life like that. But Maura worked through the anger, because ultimately Jane was a hero and she was always going to protect others even at her own expense. But the anger was replaced by an even deeper fear. Maura didn't think she could take a ride on this emotional roller coaster again. And the fact that worrying about Jane getting hurt again caused all these emotions was terrifying.

Maura decided the best policy was to get rid of her emotional attachment to Jane and go back to just being colleagues. She rejected invitations to all non-work activities. Maura saw the hurt and confusion that still appeared in Jane's eyes when they were working on a case together, but Maura couldn't bring herself to even try to explain to Jane what had happened because she knew Jane would be able break down the barriers she had constructed.

* * *

Jane finally reached her breaking point. Actually she had reached a breaking point weeks before but she finally decided to act. One night when there was no pressing work she went to Maura's house. Okay, she followed Maura home work. She wasn't going to give Maura any chance to avoid her. Plus, now she knew Maura hadn't paid attention to any her lessons on looking out for people following her. Jane parked her car on Maura's street and sat there for 30 minutes gathering the courage to get out of the car.

Finally Jane walked up to Maura's house and rang the bell. When Maura opened the door, Jane said, "Hi, can I come in?" Maura visibly hesitated but then let Jane inside.

Jane followed Maura into the kitchen where Maura poured two glasses of wine. Jane left her's sitting on the counter. Maura still hadn't spoken a word and she walked to the other side of the kitchen. Jane wasn't sure where to begin so she simply asked, "Why?"

"I can't explain," Maura replied.

"Can you try? I think I at least deserve that." Maura fixed her gaze on the wall and silently sipped her wine. Jane continued, "You're my best friend, or at least you were, and whatever I did wrong I want a chance to fix it. I...well, damn it Maura, I miss you."

"You can't fix it."

"Why not?"

"Because you can't change who you are."

Jane felt like those words had ripped a hole in her, a hole far more damaging than any bullet could be, and Jane sunk to a sitting position on the floor. Thoughts about all the ways Maura might consider Jane to be unworthy of her friendship went buzzing through Jane's head.

Maura's hand flew to her mouth, "Oh god, that came out wrong. Jane, I didn't mean it like that." Maura rushed to where Jane was now sitting and she sat down the floor facing Jane. "Jane, please, that's not what I meant to say."

"Then what did you mean?" Jane asked in a voice that frightened Maura with it's lack of emotion. "Please. Just tell me."

"The day you were shot and the few days after when we weren't sure if you were going to survive were the worst days of my life. I've never felt so terrified or so emotionally out of control. I don't want to go through that again. And you are so brave, and fearless, and heroic. You won't hesitate to put yourself in danger again to protect someone else. So I thought I needed to protect myself...from you...by pulling away from you."

Jane had closed her eyes let her head fall back against the cabinet she was sitting against. "I'm not fearless."

"What are you afraid of?"

Jane lifted her head and looked into Maura's eyes. "You. How you make me feel."

"How do I make you feel?"

Jane took a deep breath and let it out before responding, "Like a teenager with a crush. No, you know what, fuck it. I don't just have a crush on you. You don't want to be my friend anymore? I don't want to be your friend either. I want to be with you. I want to hold you and kiss you and touch you. Maura, I'm in love with you."

Maura wasn't good with emotions, least of all her own, but in that moment a few things crystallized in Maura's mind, particularly why she had been so terrified of losing Jane forever. Maura didn't trust her ability to explain her feelings with words so she decided on action. She practically launched herself at Jane and pressed her lips to Jane's. A small moan escaped Jane's lips as she grabbed at Maura's waist and her tongue demanded entrance past Maura's lips.

There was no going back. They weren't friends anymore. It was all or nothing now. Clothing was unceremoniously ripped off and discarded. Hands and mouths touched and tasted all available bare skin. There would be a time for soft, gentle, love making later, but now it was time to release months of pent up desire.

Jane pushed Maura down on the floor and hovered over her with her hand at Maura's waist ready to pull off Maura's remaining clothes. "Are you sure this is what you want?" Jane asked.

"Yes...please...you...inside me...now," Maura managed to answer.

Jane did away with Maura's skirt and underwear and lay down on top of her. Jane's mouth found Maura's and as Jane pushed into Maura's wet center they both moaned. Maura pushed her hand between their bodies so she could touch Jane too. Shortly they were both screaming out, coming together for the first time.

Jane rolled off of Maura onto the kitchen floor. Breathing heavily she said, "I hadn't imagined this happening on your kitchen floor."

"But you imagined us, doing this?"

"Yes," Jane said and turned her to smile at Maura.

Maura let out an unexpected giggle. "Me too."


End file.
